It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
