and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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