shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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