I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you made out with another girl for some wings
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
