When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
