Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
