DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
