I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
