I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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