thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
