As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize