You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
