remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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