His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
