Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
