Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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