Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize