Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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