The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
