he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
