As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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