Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
