Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
