I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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