All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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