Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
