awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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