apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
