why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
