If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize