I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
