never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
