Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
