Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize