walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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