It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We're using joints as your birthday candles
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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