fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
