guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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