so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
