They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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