I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
