halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
