I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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