I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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