He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Randomize
