There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
