Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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