oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my mouth tastes like poor choices
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
