I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
