We're like a lot better than the average bears
i think my tv is drunk
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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