He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
