Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dignity is for republicans.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
