I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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