phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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