No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
