oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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