OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize