yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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