she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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