Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
