just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
