I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
nutella sex= disaster
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
