Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
