Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
