i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
