I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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