I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I love you. Go after that dick
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
