i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
