yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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