I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
