this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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