youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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