did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
