the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
