Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
