Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
