This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
