Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
