Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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