hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
