at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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