FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
