You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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