I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
