Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
