Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
