I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
