well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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