I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize