I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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