my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize