Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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