Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
