Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
