Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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