Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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