Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
