dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize