I faked an abortion last night.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
