What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
